I figured out why I get so mad every time the topic of Rugby comes up, or every time something makes me think about Rugby.

It's because I'm jealous. Jealous that John has somewhere he belongs and I don't.

I honestly thought that I had gotten over the stage where I confused hurt or sadness with anger, but I guess I was wrong.

John told me that I need to tap into those sad feelings before they become anger because when the sadness is ignored, it builds up and then finally explodes in the form of anger, but I just...can't. I guess I've been surpressing sad feelings for so many years I don't even notice them anymore until it's too late.