Stupid RAs. Just making stuff up as they go along. Stupid broken arm girl. Jealous bitch. Where are the rules anyway? I don't wanna be perceived the way I am, I just want to be perceived the way I am. New Jersey here I come. Man I miss Shannon. And beer. I wonder if they'll give me some. Stupid parties. Who needs a social life anyway? Why can't I just live with John forever and ever under a rock, huh? There's gotta be more to life, than chasing that every temporary high too satisfy me...Bah. Fricking priest. Fricking confusing Catholics. Fuck authority. Who needs bitches anyway? Goddamnit my phone is messed up. Why the hell won't verizon let me register my new one? It's probably no good. I probably waisted 50 bucks on a piece of shit. I wish I could stop biting my nails for pete's sake. Heh. God, you just don't know who to trust around here. Not really trust, but you just don't know where people stand. One misplaced word or comment and all the sudden you grow an extra head or some shit like that. Who actually grows an extra head anyway? Why would people know what that look would even look like? Stupid bitch, drinkin' out of cups, bein' a bitch. Stupid flowers. Stupid Dress. Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. My thoughts are like a planet that just exploded in space and all these random pieces are floating all over the place. Just floatin' around, never showing any sign of ever getting back together. Man why does making friends come so gosh-darn easy for everyone but me? Even John. EVEN FRICKING JOHN. I hate being "John's g/f", referred to as that, that is. And people think I hate them! Imagine that. Just because I'm quiet. It's only because I never have anything to say. Maybe if I actually had something to say, I would say it. Or maybe I do have things to say but can never get a freaking word in edgewise because all they do is sit around and talk about rugby, rugby, rugby. Not that I hate rugby. Rugby's fine as long as someone isn't dying. Even if it's not John. But really? They say I'm too quiet and all they do is try to talk louder than the other person so they can get THEIR thought in the whole conversation. There's no room in that sort of thing for 3. Goshdarnit. Why is there no "ignore" button on my browser's spell check? And who even likes cheap beer anyway? Huh? It would have been lame, right? It was supposed to be "these girls'" party anyway, and who likes girls? Not me. Never did. Never will. Stupid bitches. Hey and plus, I don't even know a fricking thing about Rugby anyway. I can't even keep up as it is. They just go on and on explaining weird positions, making weird body gestures. None of it makes sense to me. How am I supposed to make friends when no one's interested in what I am? What am I even interested in anyway? Every time I try to mention something it's like they don't even hear me. And I'm freaking invisible too. I walk by a dozen people I know a day and they never even see me. If I say hi there eyes fly open wide like I scared them by jumping out at them from nowhere. I'm just little and invisible and no one really actually cares about me. Some people I stopped even saying hi to because they seemed to stop recognizing me. wtf. really? Am I that bad? I hate being sick. Sick with allergies, sick with a cold, sick with whatever the hell I have. And it's fricking hard to stay hydrated here. And no matter what I do my face won't actually clear up. I'm like "oh look! it's almost better!" and then a second round hits harder than the last. Maybe not harder, but it still hits. It's a never ending battle, I swear. And where the hell am I going to get enough money to survive, huh? I ain't go no money. Now I ain't sayin' I'm a gold digger...but I ain't livin with no broke...broke...whatever. Job. Stupid job. No one's going to want to hire me for a month. That's ridiculous. I'll never make it through the spring semester. Never! What the hell am I going to do? *scratches head* Laura's not even staying in here tonight. She's sleeping in a friend's room...because she has those things. Friends that is. Now I'm really alone. All alone... Stupid brick wall. Why can't I just DO things? What is holding me back? I don't even know anymore. It's like a giant white brick wall and I just stare at it day in and day out, all day, every day, sighing. I don't know what it is, or why I'm supposed to get over it, or what's on the other side, but people keep telling me, "climb!" and I just have to ask why...? Why? Why anything? Why everything? God I hate my Theology class. Just a bunch of BS. Bullshit, yeah right. This is way too long.

End.

*Edit* Looking at how long that is published just made me cry. I'm so pathetic.